Thursday, February 3, 2011

Hard Week

Well, I planned on announcing my pregnancy this week. But we got some bad news on Tuesday and I lost the baby yesterday. This isn't our first miscarriage, but it's the furthest along I've been (12 weeks). I haven't posted about our previous miscarriages, but it seems funny to just go on posting happy pictures, pretending like nothing happened.
My first few ultrasounds of this pregnancy showed twins, but we lost one of them in December. The other baby had hung on and looked totally healthy and normal in my previous ultrasounds. It's been a rough few months with complications, and an especially hard week. But we do feel a peace about things and trust the Lord's timing. This whole situation has truly made us appreciate what a MIRACLE life is. It was amazing to hold the tiny little body and see the ten tiny toes, ten little fingers, two dark eyes, and everything else. (It made me even more against abortion to see the baby so well formed even at this early stage! But that's another story).
I hope this isn't too much information, and I hope it doesn't seem like I'm trying to get sympathy. I'm just being honest. Most of my days are happy and silly and wonderful, but everyone has times like this of disappointment and pain. I know happy times are soon to follow!

37 comments:

Merrick said...

So sorry to hear this. I hope you're feeling okay...praying for you and your family!

Emily Curfew said...

Laura - I've been thinking about you lately and sorry I didn't reach out sooner. I've wondered how you were holding up in your new stressful calling and other things too. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I know what you mean when you say you appreciate the MIRACLE of life. I felt the same way when it took forever and a year to get pregnant with Pearce.
Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. You will always hold a special place in my heart for helping me out with Pearce when I had to go back to work

Janice said...

Oh Laura! We too know the heart ache of miscarriage, and it does help me appreciate the life and be so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who is in charge of it all! Our prayers are with you.

Nichol Family said...

Laura I am so sorry to hear that. What a horrible thing to have to go through. I have enjoyed reading your blog. Your daughter is adorable :)

Annika said...

Dear Laura, I'm really sad to hear this. I hope the days will be better for you.
I really enjoy reading your blog. I have a daughter in the same age... and it's so funny to see the similarities.
I wish you all the best.
Greetings from Switzerland.

Diana Hulme said...

I love you.

Bliss said...

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. You are so strong and faithful and I admire your grateful attitude. Our prayers are with you. You are amazing and this is all for a reason, but I'm still sorry you have to bear the burden and pain.

mj said...

it's funny that you posted this when you did because i too have been having a hard time. nice to know i'm not alone. :)

Sabrina said...

I hope you don't think I am a scary stalker or anything for still checking your blog even though we all haven't lived in Provo for quite a while and didn't know each other all that well there. However, I like to see what old wardies are up to so I keep you in my reader. Anyway, I think you are such an inspiring mother and I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I am can't imagine what it must feel like. It sounds like you have an amazing attitude and I wish you all the best as you recover.

rach & scott said...

Laura,

I stumbled on your blog a few weeks ago, and absolutely love reading it (i feel like such a stalker)!! You are as funny and sweet as in high school, and so creative. I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am about your pregnancy. I've struggled with the pregnancy thing as well, and its refreshing to know that there are others in the same boat. Not that I want you to suffer, but its good to know that life isn't just roses and that's okay. I wish you the very best as your little family overcomes this. All I can say is keep hoping:).

Rachael(Sheetz) Adams

Hema and Becky said...

Hope you know that your family is on our prayers!! Some of these things with getting little ones here are so hard to understand and can be so heartbreaking! We've had our share of hard times (and blessings too gratefully)! Hang in there! Love you!

Whitney J said...

I'm also trying to trust in "the Lord's timing" and I really appreciate honest blog posts like this one. So sorry about your loss but glad to hear that you are handling it so well. :)

Jessica F. said...

We sure love you guys and are praying for you all the time!

{autie} said...

love you, laura

Jane Huddleston said...

Love you Laura. Thanks for sharing. It helps to know I'm not alone. I never realized how painful (emotionally) a miscarriage could be (even after only a few short weeks of pregnancy) until I experienced it myself. I ache with you. I miss you. And I love you.

Michele said...

So sorry for your loss... love ya!

McKenzie said...

Laura, you've been on my mind this week. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Brandi said...

I have written 3 different comments and deleted them because there is nothing I can say or do to ease your pain. I'm so sorry. You and your family are in our prayer.

MomStinson said...

Laura,

I am so amazed by your courageous post. These are tender, personal feelings and heartache is very private. There really is nothing else we can do but forge ahead with our lives when we've been leveled by such tragedies, but as you said, peace comes and faith grows. Know you are in our prayers. We love you.

Aunt Sher and family

Meg and Abe said...

I am so sorry for your loss. It doesn't matter how far along you are, it is always a loss and you have every right to be sad and mourn.

When I had my miscarraige my doctor actually sent me to an abortion clinic for me to have a D&E and it made me feel just like you, sooo against abortion.

We will keep you in our prayers. Whenever you are sad just give your beautiful little girl a squeeze and have a good cry.

.From Her. said...

I sure do love you.

Lauren said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through. I appreciate you sharing, though. Our prayers are with you.

Justin and Ashleigh Smith said...

I'm so so sorry. My heart just breaks for you because I know all too well how this feels. This must have been the week for miscarriages since I know 2 other people who have miscarried as well. If you didn't read my blog, I had my 3rd miscarriage on Monday. I bet you have given your little girl lots of hugs and kisses the past few days. I'm so glad that you are so positive and have hope. Things will work out for you guys. You are in our prayers!

Sarah K said...

I am so sorry to hear this. As long as you keep your faith that good things are to come and everything is part of the plan, eventually, things will get easier and better. Keep up faith and keep trying!

Richins Family said...

Oh my goodness, we are so sorry! Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your sweet family.

Missy Johnson said...

Laura - I'm so sorry to hear about this, but I love your positive attitude and know that you'll be blessed in the future! One of my favorite quotes is perfect in times like these:

"There is no way of deciding what is spiritually fortunate or unfortunate at the time; our most grevious calamities are often seen later to have borne the fruit of greatest happiness, and what appeared to be at the moment our largest prosperities have turned later to ashes in our hands. The final value of every experience depends upon its spiritual result. No one can tell what seed is in the soil until the harvest is borne; the seed of apparent bitterness often brings forth the flowers of peace."

-Hamilton Wright Maybe

Praying for you and your family!

Megan said...

Thinking of you and praying for you and Josh. And thanks for sharing, it strengthens all of us to hear your faith during hard times.

Scott and Lindsey said...

Just stuck a care package in the mail. So sorry to hear, friend. I love you all!

Linds

stephanie joy said...

My dear cousin- I read this on my phone yesterday so I couldn't comment, but it made me sad all night long and I just had to come over here and tell you that I have been thinking about you and I love you!

Karen said...

I hope you don't think I'm a stalker, too! I have liked checking your blog and seeing your cute family. I'm so sorry for your loss. This IS a hard week for you. I know that miscarriage is painful in so many ways, but I also know that there is a special comfort Heavenly Father sends and also the perspective (like you talked about). I think it is really neat that you were able to hold the baby. WOW! Twins! I pray that the coming days will be filled with strength and happiness for you, Josh and Brynlee.

Ashley said...

I'm so sorry Laura. I have been thinking and praying for you ever since I heard. Heartbreaking. Thanks for your faith and example in this. Love you!

Jonathan and Kiri said...

Laura, I am so sorry for the heartbreak that you and Josh have been feeling. You are so incredibly positive and so firm in your faith to be able to look ahead and know that good times are to come but I want you to know we are praying for you and Josh and our hearts are with you during this difficult time. If there's one thing I know it's that God cries with us. Our tears are His as well and we can trust in a Heart that Hurts when we hurt. Whatever His plan is you can be sure it is perfectly tailored to the family He has always planned for you to have. Thank you for your example of faith and trust in God.

Kristy said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss! We love you very much and are keeping you in our prayers!

Rollins Family said...

Laura,

I just wanted to let you know what an amazing person you are. I am sorry you have to endure this trial. When you guys were in our ward I was always amazed by how strong, kind, and compassionate you are. I know you are a strength to so many. I hope you know you have lots of people who love you and your family.

Brianna Rollins

Karrissa Winward said...

Hi Laura! You don't know me, I am one of Josh's friends from high school. I check out your blog every couple of months or so. Your little girl is adorable! I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriages and especially this one. My husband and I are going through the same thing so I just wanted to tell you I am sorry and I think that you are having such a positive attitude about the whole thing. The gospel truly is amazing during times like these. I hope all works out and you can continue to feel better. Thanks for sharing your story. Tell Josh I say hi!

Christiane R. Woerner said...

Laura, I'm sorry for your loss and am grateful for your willingness to open your heart and share what's in it. My prayers are with you.

The Zeediks said...

Laura. I am so so sorry. I cannot imagine what that was like. The whole thing. I'll be praying for you. You are amazing and strong and as I am reading through your blog I am so inspired by what a wonderful mother you are. You are amazing.